Well, med school is still hard. I'm currently on my neurology rotation which I like significantly less than psychiatry. This is because in neurology, everything makes sense to everyone except me. In psychiatry, nothing makes sense to anyone including me so at least I never felt like an idiot (knowing medications, clinical indications, DSM criteria, etc weren't so bad. Knowing the thousands of nerve pathways - that is bad.)
I think the pressure is hardest right now. The AOA awards went out and of course I wasn't even close to being qualified for one. Knowing that they did makes me feel kind of like a stupid loser. Also, match day was last Friday. Knowing that this time next year, I could be one of the kids who doesn't match (I hope not) is totally scaring. I am trying to stay motivated despite the heavy burnout to continue doing well on my new medications and psychotherapy. I am working on my CV and will be emailing to recommendations in the coming days, as well as hard-scheduling my Step 2 dates. I have a few books set aside, and with UWorld + my new study abilities, I don't think I will go wrong like I did in Step 1, and I will work just as hard.
I remember back in college, which were just more years wasted away on studying endlessly and never having fun, one of my friends told me I probably was going to med school because of familial pressure, and that I should have followed my dreams of becoming an English professor.
Shit. Shit. I think he was right. I just don't want to admit I've been lying to myself this whole time. Not when I've come this far up the mountain...
Good thing I have card tricks.
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