I can't believe it...

...med school. I really, really don't think I can make it.

*sits in the dark*

New video for BBM contest!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uFkX-qYXgo&hd=1

I perform a slightly different version of Darwin Ortiz's Back Off, but in the end it looks the same. This is for the BBM contest - I hope I win!

Review of Colorblind by Luke Jermay.

A fun, very underlooked effect I think is worth your look.

http://www.themagiccafe.com/forums/viewtopic.php?topic=393200&forum=111&0

http://www.talkmagic.co.uk/ftopic37534.php

Enjoy!

Med school and magic are like oil and water!

They don't mix! It's hard to have any time whatsoever to do anything magic related when you've got loads of sleep deprivation and studying to do.

Thank goodness for Thanksgiving break. I think I'll work through some Mr. Colombini card magic since they don't require as much time commitment to learn but are still fun to watch with the right presentation.

Oh yeah, and Psypher kills. I learned the basics of mentalism and presentation thru 13 steps and the Bob Cassidy ebook, so I used that to help me create a wonderful book test routine for my ladyfriend. She called it her favorite trick! My first mentalism routine I ever performed as a "kitchen magician" as hobbyists are sometimes called =].

As far as medical school goes...Thanksgiving break means learning more about skin diseases and cancer! Yay Board studying...=(

Quick magic update!

So, for my birthday, from various people:

Psypher 2.0 - this thing is just freaking incredible. It's so awesome. I can't wait to perform with it.

Allan Ackerman 3 DVD deal - the Las Vegas card handler. Incredible.
Classic Ackerman
Las Vegas Card Miracles [Ackerman]
Prequel/Sequel [Ackerman]

Darwin Ortiz At the Card Table 3 DVD deal - the author of Strong Magic now in person! Also truly incredible; his Mexican Poker is just something to behold

The Bible [Erdnase, I mean] with a deck of Sentinels.

Torn 2 Pieces - I can't even begin to think of how many uses I have for this. Can't wait to get it!

Bonus with my personal purchases: Lake Tahoe Bar Magic - I know Magic Makers Inc gets a bad rep, but they have put out some good stuff, and this is certainly one of them. Randy Wakeman is something else, and a friend of Ed Marlo. So, obviously there is quite a bit of Ed Marlo and Marlo alternatives on this set. Awesome stuff.

Can't wait to get knuckle-busting...if med school doesn't destroy me first...

It's been a while...

...but that's because 2nd year is kicking my ass. My most recent purchase was:

1) World's Greatest Magic: MacDonald's Aces [completely awesome]
2) Devin Knight's Poker Tells [blindsight was sold out, this is still a cool routine]
3) Jermay's Colorblind [on the fence about this purchase but it's pretty neat and not hard to perform with some practice].

Understanding the Elegy Shift!

I'm a huge fan of shift sleights. My first was the Elias Multiple Shift but I use almost solely for controlling a single card. It's a great sleight. I also love the Elegy Shift, because it's an alternative to the tile maneuver.

Today I JUST managed to understand the Elegy Shift. I can do it a lot better than two days ago. Wish he went into more detail about, by the Elegy Shift is making sense and I plan on using the sandwich effect and single card control a lot. Still need practice though.

The other sleight I've been studying, Mealing's Pit Control, is awesome as well. It's not a hard control, but incredibly useful, even beyond the typical ACR routine.

Had brunch with the ladyfriend Saturday, and I performed Roy Walton's Pass the Red (in my case, Pass the Black). All that time studying The Move has paid off!!

Bigblindmedia does it again...

So, my Card Constructions DVD featuring Ollie Mealing has finally arrived, and to say the least, the routines on this monster might be some of the most jaw-dropping I have ever seen. They are just incredibly creative, and of intermediate difficulty. It is also a sure-fire, serious lesson in misdirection and audience management. A wonderful DVD. The only problem with it is that the Clay Switch, while not the hardest move, needs to be more thoroughly explained mostly referring to the subtleties in its force/color changing applications.

Other than that, it's a great DVD, and there are some good lessons and great new sleights here.

The other DVD that came with this is the Elegy Shift which is not really well known (and I certainly did not see it on the BBM homepage). It is a much shorter DVD than the other BBM DVD's and has fewer things on it (I don't really care much for the ring piece, unfortunately). It is a one large sleight, with a single control, multiple shift, and sandwich capabilities. It is not bad at all, especially the sandwich effect which is much more visual than other effects I've seen. So all in all, glad it came with the Card Constructions DVD, those two have provided sleights and effects that'll keep me busy for a while.

In other news, I have finally found a trade for my White Star, trading it for Tyler Wilson's new book Reinventing the Real. Will be mailing out the Critchlow effect this Tuesday. Very happy, as I dislike OOTW effects anyways.

Card Constructions/Elegy Shift

My order has arrived (at my girlfriend's house...long story)! I am very excited to learn some new sleights. The sleights to be had will be used wisely. I will post a review after a thorough watching of both. I am truly hoping the Barrier Shift will replace my classic/invisible pass.

My Annihilation Deck review is up on talkmagic.co.uk!

http://www.talkmagic.co.uk/ftopic35796.php

And the best part is, Mr. Francis commented on the thread! How exciting! Now my review streak is 100% (2 for 2!) for the creators acknowledging my review!!

I love Cameron Francis's work

I just got the Annihilation Deck DVD and the Red Hot Prediction set in the mail today! I was so incredibly excited that I began to learn/watch/practice them immediately. And on top of the awesome Moment's Notice e-books, I think I've just been given a whole quasi-card magic set to work with that would probably take a good 45 minutes or so to get through. Combine this with Bullets After Dark and some Malone Meets Marlo...and I have a good working set of card magic!

I will be writing and posting a review of The Annihilation Deck DVD on the talkmagic.co.uk forums. I will probably do the same for the Moment's Notice e-books, but I want to finish the third book first. The first two just needs some more practice and I'll have 11 brand-spanking new effects that fit every criteria I have for a trick.

Oh, and the box Kaitlyn made me for my magic is GREAT for the Convergence routine. Hint: time traveling box!

Card Manipulation...

So I've decided to take part in learning some very basic card manipulation. Since I had a couple of dead decks lying around, I decided to practice. Apparently I'm not as bad at back-palming cards as I thought, and I have a decent palm as well.

More importantly, I've been studying deck manipulation via Andrei Jikh's DVD, Genesis. I've learned some really cool cuts (here they are! Charlier cut, thumb cut, scissor cut, revolver cut, angel move, widthwise triangle, lengthwise triangel). I'm currently stuck on a nightmarish move, the one-handed shuffle. But either way, I've developed much better small motor movements in my left hand (since in deck manipulation you use your opposite hand). The practice is almost addicting!

Also, some of my decks got ruined randomly. Need a deck press and a couple new Bikes.

And so research begins....

...good thing I kept most of my material and papers from the last time I did research. I'm still working in the ortho department because I really liked the staff and I like studying muscles/bones. The engineering aspect combined with medicine, surgery, and biology is pretty cool stuff.

Last time, my research entailed using plates over a bone tumor resection filled with "bone cement". Now, instead of making a hole and filling it, we are cutting out the entire piece of bone that had the tumor, and adding a full, adjustable length prosthesis as opposed to just a plate for support.

It's just unfortunate that the surgery size is so small (4, I think).

Oh, and I finally got a new pack of red fan-backed Tally Ho playing cards. I've used Bicycle playing cards for the longest time (as most people do), but Tally Ho's are more expensive and harder to come by. But, as I recommend to everyone, if you ever see them, get them over Bikes. They are simply better thanks to the linoid coating that lets them last much longer and fan twice as nicely. Well worth the investment.

Screw med school...

...can't do well no matter how much I study, think I know the material, or feel coming out of the exam.

Magic Cafe....lolz

I posted this as my status on FB: "Filled with more assholes than a butt convention", and every time I log on, I realize how true that statement is.

I definitely should not have bothered to make an account, but at this point I will reach that 50 post mark just to see the secret forums.

In a way, the forum itself is a good place to get some insider information. On the other hand, everyone sans a few people are such absolute pricks it is almost intolerable to talk about anything there. Of course not EVERYONE is a prick; but most of the more prolific posters are just utter jerks wasting my oxygen. If you make an account and spend a bit of time there, you'll see everyone just wants nothing more than to argue about anything.

For instance, there was a thread about a West Memphis shooting which did not get significant news coverage. Some guy posts on it and says it was on national news (which he showed no evidence of), and he doesn't get the point of the thread (rude to being with). I make a post mentioning that I agree with the thread, and cite an example of a recent Florida Mosque bombing that did not get a lot of coverage. The SAME GUY states that NOW THIS THREAD IS GOING TO ATTACK CHRISTIANS.

Uh...what? Now, I know better than to replay to such a troll, but the more I read the thread, the more disgusted I become, and I ultimately just ignore the whole thing.

On another thread, one member posts a review about the Criss Angel magic set. He probably isn't experienced in magic, but clearly likes the set. IMMEDIATELY AFTER, some of the "prolific" posters" suddenly make attacks about him, the set, and Criss Angel. Now, it is supposedly known that Criss Angel uses camera tricks and isn't the greatest magician as he might make himself to be. But seriously? Give the guy a break! He starts with a purchase, he likes it - what is the point of attacking him? Why not just point him in a better direction. Clearly the guy is offended and probably hurt, so he makes one more post explaining himself kindly and then leaves. The attacks and derailment continued without him, alas.

And for the record, that Criss Angel set is not the worst set out there.

Obviously, one should NOT get angry especially by a silly internet forum; however, I had greatly expected different things from the people there, and instead all I can see are rabid animals who can only think of their opinion, or pull the classic "here's my opinion, and I will hereby state it as fact, but merely say it's an opinion". Seriously, these people are in their 40's, and they are acting like internet bullies or completely close-minded imbeciles.

No really, I thought it would be a good place to learn about magic? Oh how naive I was! What you might say is, "it's the internet lulz". But if you're an asshole on the internet, why would that mean you aren't one in real life? Is the rest of the magic world like this?! Considering this is the largest magic forum on the internet...

I think I'll go back to talkmagic.co.uk. Much, MUCH nicer people there.

Here I am...stuck in purgatory.

I like to use the purgatory analogy to describe my medical school life. Not my regular life, because my life is wonderful. But I'm focusing on my med school life.

What is purgatory? It is that place between heaven and hell, temporary punishment for who-knows-how-long, the place you go where you're not great, but you don't belong in hell.

So, let's put this analogy to med school. Heaven is doing extremely well for a given amount of studying. Hell is failing. Where am I? I am in purgatory - neither doing well, nor failing. I am in the average-to-slightly-below-average range.

Unlike purgatory, however, there is no cleansing process, and I am not about to be whisked away into heaven. For any given amount of studying or problem sets I do, I never do well, even average. For some reason, I just can't.

The worst part is, I have few, if any, people I can talk to about this. I do not have connections despite trying to make them actively, and the people I know, well, they are either in heaven or much closer to it than I am. They have been out of purgatory for a while, and are doing well. I have yet to actually meet someone who is in another year that is in my position. And it's not something one can simply ask around about.

However, I know I technically can't complain, since hypothetically there are people who are failing and doing worse than I am (I just don't know who they are, and I don't care much to know). Hence, I am not hell either.

And right now, I have no idea what I can do. I am thoroughly discouraged and my outlook about The Exam (step 1) is bleak to abysmal. I am not sure what to do except sit on this rock under this gray sky.

Hmmm...

So, despite being slightly behind lectures, I've started learning Fiber Optics today. Insanely fun and it's even amusing to me when i do it in front of a mirror. Going to learn a bit more of the linking rings so i could finish it off with a ring-on-rope routine. Fun!

Also I've gotten past the idea that I can't learn the palm because of the holes in my hand, to "Yes, I'm finally going to learn it, here we go." In the midst of Royal Road still!

The interesting things in life...

So, yesterday post-neuro exam, was the first time I ever went to a bar. My drink order was:

1) 7 and 7
2) Irish car bomb (weird name...)
3) Sierra Nevada Pale Ale
4) Kamikaze shot

Really good, though I got a bit dizzy in the end. Still, very relaxing, lots of fun. Afterwards around midnight, Nazir drove us back to the student lounge, where we magically found a huge amount of Blimpie subways of all kinds, with lots of soda. We ate, watched TV, and played some video games on the 360. It was a great time!

Ah, I feel all right, even though the exam was difficult.

Another post about the idiot box...

For those who know me, I absolutely love things related to suspense, horror, thrillers, and crime. Besides the proverbial love of action movies, I will always reach for a scary movie like The Orphange or Let the Right One In (that's how you make a vampire movie, people), Hannibal series movies, etc.

So, I present to you my list of my 5 most favorite crime shows on TV, which is much better than studying at the moment.

5) NCIS - this show is good, but I consider the lesser of my favorites because the characters are funny but not really deep or overly likable. The autopsy doctor is the best, though.

4) Bones - this show is more serious, and can get pretty intense at times. Nothing too special, but if it's on I'm more than happy to watch it.

3) CSI - probably everyone's favorite. The characters are incredibly well thought out, and Grissom and even the new head played by Laurence Fishburne are probably the best heads in any crime show I've watched. Just a really great show.

2) Law and Order: SVU - gruesome, gritty, and the most badass detective (Stabler), this CAN be hit or miss, depending on the outcome of the episodes. I'd venture 90% they are hits, and they are really, really hard-hits.

...and finally...!!

1) Criminal Minds - if you have ever cared about a crime show, you care about Criminal Minds. This is hands down the most intense, the most gruesome, and disturbing of all the modern day crime shows I have ever seen. It delves into not just investigating crimes, but actual standard theories of criminals. SVU does this, but not a lot (BD Wong should get more airtime). Just...absolutely thrilling, very often edge-of-your-seat, and very dark - the darkest of the all crime shows I've seen on television.

Well, back to studying psychiatry! Studying it just bought to mind my love for crime shows and seeing fictional justice, haha.

I need to get something off my chest...

...and it is related neither to school nor magic.

There are sometimes, when you combine two separate items, become either really good or really bad.

Let's say the first is a cool group of people. Like gay people. Think: George Takei.

Let's take another thing that's really awesome: singing, and otherwise famous and catchy songs.

Sometimes, you get a good mix. Broadway comes to mind, or Neil Patrick "The King" Harris".

And sometimes you get something completely horrendous, completely and utterly terrible. Like this show called Glee.

I tried to see what people liked about it, I really did. In fact, I was actually kind of excited when I first heard about it. I don't have much experience in musicals or singing, other than an cappella group I joined in college and a semester of choir. I was also a band geek in high school and middle school.

3 episodes I tried, each more painful than the next. The show is super contradictory (you want geeks, and you want them to suffer to relate to them, but they're all attractive and talented people and that's the reason no one likes them?), the characters were written from fifth grade cookie cutter books, the characters are annoying as hell, the plot is something I write when I make a bowel movement, and worst of all...

...they are butchering some of my favorite songs. DO NOT TOUCH THE DOORS. DO NOT TOUCH JOURNEY. DO NOT TOUCH THE BEATLES. YOU ARE REMIXING THEM IN A HORRIBLE WAY. Believe me, I have heard many weird renditions of all of them. Some good, some bad. Glee was the worst.

It took me 5 episodes of Justified and its WELL WRITTEN, WELL SCRIPTED characters, dialogue, and plot of Raylan Givens to wash out that mess of a show. It was written by a fantastic author and writer, so no wonder it's eons ahead in some intelligence (put it this way: ever watch 3:10 to Yuma? Remember how incredible it was? Same writer).

Then I heard Glee won a Golden Globe? I really wanted to cry. America, we used to make good shows, with good characters WHO ACTUALLY FIT THIS RELATE-ABILITY SCHEME.

Stick with Broadway if you want good musicals.

As I practice my linking rings routine with my new Shoot Ogawa DVD...

....I'd like to bring your attention to Lu Chen (Liu Chen, Liu Qian), my most favorite magician of all time. While he doesn't have the quiet, mysterious nature of Ponta the Smith, he has amazing presentation, psychology, and technical skill.

Not sure? Let this video answer your question:

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=hwVy_2eOfsE#t=78


I just wrote a review for his new DVD, which I absolutely love! It's called Close Up!Up!Up! and his abilities and skill are very creative and inspiring. Check my review out here!

http://www.themagiccafe.com/forums/viewtopic.php?topic=362265&forum=111&0

Linking Rings!

Fate would decide that I would try out, and consequently LOVE, linking rings.

I went to visit princess over the weekend, as we would go to the Met together to see one of her professors lecture (only 3 classmates showed up, 5 people in total including me and another friend's girlfriend), but I'm glad it was small. Her professor lectured about Islamic art, and I learned a ton. It was truly an engaging lecture and he was very nice and a very knowledgeable historian. Definitely worth missing Tannen's (more on that in a bit).

So we browsed around the Met for a bit. At first I wanted to rush a bit because I wanted to try to make Tannen's, but I realized it's not a big deal, and told her to slow down so we could see everything we wanted to see. I think she might have still felt I was rushing her, so I felt bad about that and tried to slow it down as much as I could despite my frequent back pain. The only bad part was the food was ridiculously expensive for such a small portion. Other than that, great trip; the Met is a very immersive experience.

So instead of going to Tannen's afterwards (or Momofuku, both were closed at 4!), we stopped at a magic shop I've been meaning to go to for a while, which was Fantasma Magic. I'm glad we went; the staff was way more knowledgeable, and much better magicians as they also performed full time. One of the guys did a mismatch bill and some crazy card forces I had never seen, and another did a few coins across rountines, 3 fly similar to those on Sick (but were in fact David Roth, but Ponta credits David Roth and the handlings were very similar). Then he showed me Shoot Ogawa's linking rings rountine (that included phases form Ninja Rings), and it was really incredible. It was linking rings like I had never really seen. I was still reluctant, because linking rings never interested me. However, Princess liked them so much, and the routine I was shown was different and mesmerizing, I decided to go for it.

What will ensure that I go back for their business was not only that their staff was super nice, but that the guy told me the set was 30. He rung it up to find it was 35, but charged me 30 anyways because that's what he said. Incredible!! I went home, studied the DVD for a while, practiced for a bit, and have the basic routine though not entirely smoothly (and to think, Shoot Ogawa really does teach on it!!). It also came with this great ring-from-rope routine, which I think could transition well from Sander's hyperring and Fiber Optics routine. And the ring-from-rope could transition perfectly from or two my Mikame MC box/crystal cleaver trick!

Basically, this linking ring set was the right purchase. Plus the rings make this really sweet clinging noise, and they're super shiny and strong. I like! My creative juices were flowing like nuts yesterday.

Time to wait for income to buy the Ninja Rings dvd =P.

Bullets After Dark!

Let me say, this is my most favorite DVD I own for magic. It literally, has EVERYTHING. John Bannon explains how he constructs his tricks, his psychology behind performing it, and explains most sleights in detail, but not too much as to let you experiment and make it more usable for yourself. It is literally the DVD I compare all my instructional DVD's to.

And, I can proudly say, I can do all but one trick on that DVD (ugh stupid faro shuffles). I feel really good, and I think with lots of practice, I'll be able to perform the sleights and tricks confidently and smoothly!

In other news, I did very well on my OSCE exam! This makes me feel more like I belong in the field of medicine, lol.

Yay!

Well now, my exams have been completed, and I am but one day away from completing my preceptorship! I am a little concerned about the Monday's written exam, as I came out feeling fair, but have heard nightmare stories about people's grades, people who normally excel on written exams. I guess I have nothing to do but to wait.

What I am most excited about, besides having some time off finally besides the labs and preceptorship Friday, is the fact that I've noted considerable gain in my card magic skills. I say this because revisiting the awesome compilation Bullets After Dark by the unmatched John Bannon, I have noticed that with practice, I actually CAN do the Bullet train ace assemblies as well as the Watching the Detectives/New Jax/Full circle routine. Obviously, I can't do it as smoothly as Bannon does, but I think with a few months time, I will be able to perform them fairly nicely! The best part, they can be done with a borrowed deck!

Using my own deck, this easily lends itself to start prepared with Origami Prediction, or better yet, Dead Wreckoning...or better yet, both! With a deck switch, I could divide the tricks up using two decks. Two FANCY decks. Like my bike Guardians, or my 1800's. Then some Sankey tricks using Tally Ho's! A card show doesn't get better than this!

My next step is to learn some more off of Malone Meets Marlo. Let me tell you, that is a heckuva step, but I feel they are on the same difficulty as Bullets After Dark, and Malone's 3-phase 21 card routine is KILLER!

Okay, I am fairly furious right now....

It's clear I was screwed out of my spring break, and that because I never got these days off like everyone else did, it is as if I am jumping straight from the shelf exams, into these physician's core exams.

Fine, I'll suck up the burn-out, and just do it even if I don't do it well. I did the best I could with the crappy hand I was dealt.

But now, I find out the class labs are mandatory, and I can't stay at home at all, not even ONE day off. To make matters worse, they are all in the afternoon, meaning I have to delay making up my preceptorship until Friday, which means I get an entire week of more work. And next week is too many lectures to make up for me to take any day off.

Fuck this shit! You try going from studying to more studying without a break when everyone else around you got one, and tell me you aren't pissed!

Yeah...

So let me just say, that OSCE went terribly. I KNEW everything that I had to do, but I either ran out of time, completely froze, or thought I forgot something when I really didn't. Awful awful awful, I feel like utter crap, and studying for the written on Monday is really painful right now.

However, to get me through this, I ordered Crystal Cleaver from Tenyo, Fiber Optics Extended, and LU CHEN'S NEW DVD YAAAY! Another great thing I realized is after practicing Mirate et Trois so much, some of the sleights in Ponta the Smith's "Sick" DVD look a lot less threatening. Still insanely hard, that kind of smoothness will take forever, so right now I'm just focusing on his one coin routine, without the jumbo ending. I'm sure Bobo will help me be creative at the end.

The beauty of magic really helps me get through the worst times of med school.

Hm, OSCE...

Thursday is my OSCE exam, and I have been preparing feverishly for it, marking every nuance from Bate's into my notes and rehearsing the exams on my invisible patient. It is hard enough to still be a little sick with incredible sinus congestion and pain. I got screwed these last two weeks!

I'm mostly angry that I can't see what the rooms with the standardized patients look like. Obviously I could not go at all last week, or else I would not have missed preceptorship days, and before then was finals time, and before that was cramming for fourth ISF exam, and before that was, well, trying to actually catch up and learn everything. I barely had enough time to eat, sleep, and study everything. So yes, this whole situation of not being able to view the rooms infuriates me. I will have to hope that the gloves and the tongue depressors are in an obvious location. I will carry all my own equipment, and have practiced setting up my white coat for easy access to everything I will need.

Things left to get for the exam:
- a small, cm ruler
- heat pads to warm my hands and stethescope

Okay, now for something worth mentioning. magictrickstore.com actually has two Tenyo products for only 10 bucks a piece, so I plan on getting those when my OSCE is done, and I will have them after Mondays written exam. Then that Saturday when I visit Kait, I will have some fun pieces of prop magic, fun because I never do any prop magic. Plus Fiber Optics, this will be entertaining!

Spring break?

So yeah, it really wasn't a spring break for me. Spring break is typically for relaxing, and I had caught pneumonia after visiting my sister at Cornell on Saturday and Sunday. Wow, until Friday I was just too feverish, in pain, and unable to breathe properly. Thank goodness for those antibiotics. Basically, the latter half of Friday and Saturday were all I had to to go out of my room and do anything remotely interesting.

Saturday evening however, I was well enough to invite Kaity over (since my cough and fever were gone at that point and I had finished my antibiotics). I didn't think I could travel to NYC, so we stayed around, went to sushi, and decorated chocolate cupcakes at my house! Then we watched Ponyo (which was deliciously adorable). Because I had been sick I didn't get to practice any of my magic, so I just performed the B***** T**** for her (don't need you fools looking it up), and performed it successfully, I think. It was pretty cool

Currently, I'm working on Fiber Optics by Richard Sanders, and Mirage et Trois by Eric Jones. MET is like a gateway of intermediate coin magic, and is not Ponta the Smith difficult, so I think it's a great routine and very appropriate for me to learn at this point.

Ah, spring break is almost here!

If I ever become a famous doctor magician, or magician doctor, or something, and I get invited to a Japanese show like with Kat-tun or something, they would let me meet my idol Ponta the Smith, and I would kiss his hand on national TV.

I love Kioku!

Things I need:

- Blue-backed 1800 series Bicycle deck (I have a red one)
- Blank bicycle cards to make my EI/Osterlind/Kioku routine enhanced/look better (I am planning on reworking Kioku slightly, down to 13 instead of 15 choices
- Brass cups/chop cup
- Time to practice

Oh, and...
- Reassurance that despite how ridiculously hard med school is and how subpar my grades might be, I will actually become a practicing physician.

Yes, that last exam was pretty...horrendous. For me anyways, both exam and practical. And running on about 6 hours of sleep these last few nights in total is really killing me. Finals week next week though, going to spend a few hours of a break before I get down to business again.

Four years!

Yesterday I spent a wonderful 4 year anniversary celebration of datin' and lovin' with Kaitlyn! We went to Karaoke, Kinokinuya, Nintendo store, MacarOn, and Tannen's, though originally the ramen store on 56th was supposed to be added but they didn't take credit card =(.

I finished the evening with the following set:
Bill Malone's 21 card (3 phases)
Emotional Intelligence with a longer setlist, an ESP deck, and an object list as used by Osterlind.
The Bannon Triumph
Haunted Key trick (lol)
Whitestar

I wanted to perform Marked Thought (as taught by Osterlind), Dead Reckoning (Bannon), and Kioku (Outlaw) in a more appropriate way, but there wasn't enough time. Next time!

Happy four year baby <3<3

Still panicking about my last exam's grade returning sometime this week....

...but I have made a new video! This is an old routine - it's Scotch and Soda! Now with a new finish!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ag6tWKjrVvg

[My other spongeball video should be there under my youtube username.]

Yes!

My new package of magic came in. I had ordered

- Symbologic for a more serious addition to my mentalist routine
- An ESP deck to add a cheap thrill to my mentalist routine
- Mikame MC boxes; there are three of them, and a great demo can be seen at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GX31EltDZgg ...I can do most of what we've seen, but I prefer the 1 coin monte alongside a "Teleporting Coin" routine

I'll definitely post a video up sometime next week with another spongeball routine (probably Head-to-Head), the 1 coin monte, and the teleporting coin routine with the Japanese boxes. Exciting!

Oh, and maybe I'll do a video of my first trick - Scotch and soda, now with 100% more sleight of hand and a vanish I learned from Uday Jadugar!

Looks like I didn't have to worry so much!

Grades came back this morning, was too worried to go to class (though I will surely go on Friday). Looks like I did better than I thought; in fact, I did better than on the first exam, despite coming out feeling much worse! I think I may have scored closer to the average this time!

Let's talk about magic exposure. It's all over youtube, and they are all over forums. One guilty verdict in particular is learnmagictricks.org, where their forums are entirely dedicated to exposing DVD's that magicians have put out FOR YOU TO BUY so you may learn a hard hitting trick(s), as well as performance tips. The denizens of those forums therefore are not magicians themselves, since they only want to know the secret. Knowing a trick and LEARNING a trick are two entirely different things! The first you should do only if you plan on learning it somehow!

I am by no means a great magician. I'm an amateur at best, watching DVD's and learning from pros as best as I can to better perform, and hopefully, perform for others outside of my small group of peers. However, even I know that there are ethics involved with magic.

Another aspect of magic exposure is magic piracy. Look, don't google for a DVD title in magic or a name of a magician followed by one of his products, if you're just trying to get illegal Rapidshare, etc. files of said DVD that you can download without paying. It's less bad if you're doing to learn magic, but it's still bad, because people worked hard to make that, and magic isn't the most profitable business out there. Instead, google the dvd title and find a site with the lowest price to purchase the dvd or product. Much better this way.

A weekend of magic and worry

This weekend so badly needed; unfortunately, I didn't get to make the most of it thanks to a damn quiz on Monday (which I didn't do well on).

I had a great Valentine's day with Kaitlyn. There was a scuttle on Saturday as to how and when we'd have it, but I made time Sunday by taking her to the Turning Point (where she thoroughly enjoyed her strawberry shortcake crepes). Then we went to Borders and just chilled; she bought her mom a Beatles Trivia Pursuit game for her birthday. When we went back home, I performed two mentalist routines (Mental Prediction Board, using a third single-card prediction without any forces, and Luke Jermay's Emotional Intelligence (but only the first and last phases) ). Then I did three card tricks, all from Hugard (Do as I Do (she loved this one), Observation Test, Ultra Card Divinion). I was really happy it all went smoothly. She is a princess, and the gifts she got were amazing. I hope she likes the ones I got her.

But, now I am back in my apartment, totally unsure if I passed the last exam. As far as practicals goes, it is not that I don't know what I'm seeing, it's that I CAN'T make out what the heck I'm seeing. It's like I'm looking at black dots, as opposed to the actual cells I'm used to viewing on my laptop screen. Not to mention the absurdly Satanic written portion. Geez. I really hope I passed.

I forgot to mention I managed to do some magic for med students (gasp). I did Clutch by Oz Pearlman and John Bannon's Power of Poker. Then I impressed another group member with a few French drops. He was amused, haha. He was doing some magic tricks so I taught him how to put a card back in the deck and "move" it. He said it wasn't as magical. I guess, lol.

Happy Chinese New Year, and happy birthday to my lovely sister!

Right field?

Because it's not left field.

In all seriousness, how did all of us come to decide that medicine was the right thing for us? Since I was in middle school I wanted to be a doctor. In high school, I went through bearing the idea that I would one day don a long white coat, and hadn't looked back. In college, I struggled a little with engineering, but I made it, and here I ended up in medical school, donning a short white coat as a student and upon graduating, hoping to exchange it for a way to help people full time.

What's happening now? Ever since I've started, I have just been doubting nonstop if this is what I was meant to do. I am so utterly afraid of wearing my white coat, feeling as though it is not mine to wear ever. When I do wear it, I feel anxious and afraid - I despise myself for wearing it. My entire life was wrapped tightly around that I could do this, though. Even now, I still want to do it, I really want to wear my white coat proudly because I thought it would represent how I could be around patients, but the road is more difficult than I could have ever imagined.

So now, I am not doubting whether I want to be a doctor, but worse, I am doubting if I CAN be a doctor. Yes, I think I'm good with people. I'm talkative, supportive, sympathetic, I have these qualities that I think is great in a doctor. But I don't know if I have the intelligence, the capabilities otherwise to get through these next 4 years. Other people have been doing so well on these academic exams, and still enjoying themselves. I work very, very hard, striving to understand the material in essence that I could use it to save someone's life (ideally), but these exams, I don't know what kind of reflection they are on me. Honestly, if I were to study any more or harder, I would lose all sight of actually being human. I'd just explode.

This feels like a crossroad I never thought I would encounter, and I am totally, utterly lost.

Hockey? Magic?

Today was my first hockey game ever, where my med school team (UMDNJ Medwings) faced off against the Condors, don't know where they're from though. We were really close! But just lost in the shoot-out at the end. Next time!

It's amazing what kind of magic tricks you can come up with just by learning several new tricks. For instance, I recently combined Oz Pearlman's "Quick Trick" handling, with the sleight used in "Design for Laughter" by Hugard. Together, I made a fun mentalist spelling card trick.

Geez, I'm so thirsty for orange juice.

Wonderful weekend, sort of...

...since that exam on Friday completely nailed me. I even forgot to erase my circled questions on the Scantron, AND forgot to bubble in the version of my exam. Luckily I emailed two professors about it and they seem to have forgiven me. But, that doesn't excuse the fact that I could have failed for all I know. It was that hard.

In other news, I'm compiling new card tricks thanks to a mixture of Paul Wilson and John Bannon, two amazing, amazing cardicians.

And, I just discovered Dan Sperry. His performance at the world magic awards was the most amazing dove routine I've ever seen.

Amazing...

...how uncertain a med student's life can still be.

It was weird that, originally everyone will tell you when you get your MD, you won't have to worry about a job.

Though, thinking about it now, and all the b.s. we have to go through for residency our future really is uncertain! We have little control over which hospital we want to work at after med school - it's entirely decided by a computer, and luck! Some people don't match into residency, so they're stuck doing research work, or internship work, or such and such.

Startin' to get a bit dark and scary, from where I'm standing.

A little about magic...

So yeah, watching and doing magic is my relief from med school. I've gotten through most of Royal Road, and I'm currently reading Bobo (Beauxbeau). I'm also studying spongeballs under the Ben Salinas DVD. Yes, I know it's Magic Makers and they have a reputation, but you can find even the toughest of hardballs on Magic Cafe and magictalk giving it a thumbs up.

There are two things I've learned about magic:

1) Sleight of hand is the real magic, so sayeth The Professor, Dai Vernon.

2) Never do magic for med students. They'll probably figure it out. If they can't, they still won't be too impressed. If they can't yet, they'll find those dumb reveal videos online, or they'll physically buy a product that explains it. If they can, they'll tell people how it's done. Med students are impossible to impress, really.

The thing I love about magic is that it contrasts my normal personality so much, and I need it. I'm normally a logician, a scientist, and a free thinker. However, doing magic, watching magic, and showing magic means I can suspend my own belief of reality for a while. It's something I was never good at until Kaitlyn convinced me to do magic tricks for her, and as I got more and more into it and learning it, I realized that about myself, that it's really all right to just "believe" rather than "know".

I also voluntarily do not choose to learn a trick if I know I won't be performing it. I keep everything a secret. I think it's something people SHOULD do. Don't bother learning a trick unless you're actually going to do it for someone else!

As I sit and study for tomorrow...

Med school is hard. I mean, really hard.

I never realized how hard it is just to stay average, and really, if I had discovered this in high school, more people probably would have liked me. It was just a matter of understanding.

The hardest part is not realizing exactly where I am. They say residencies like Internal Medicine or something, those are the biggest and therefore the most "middle of the line" to get into. But honestly, I don't know how I am compared to the "middle", because as far as I know I am below that mark.

The most common piece of advice I get is to not compare yourself to others. True, I try not to compare myself and I certainly don't try to compete in a way that I'm only happy if I'm doing better than X amount of people.

However, not once in my life have I ever felt like the road was so unclear. Pretty much, everything was always laid out for me. High school, didn't choose any of my classes except a small few. College, 7-year med told me exactly what I had to do, and I only one class I could "choose", but it had to be a Women/Gender Studies class. The only free class I ever had was that summer before med school, when I got to take a creative writing class at my local community college just for fun. For whatever reason, I suddenly lost the "it", and I haven't written since.

My point is, because I'm so used to having things set up for me, I don't know where I'm walking, and I don't know what advice to take. People have been telling me all kinds of things, and very little of it makes sense to me. It's so difficult when you're barely doing class average but people say you're not behind.

I just hope these things get cleared up eventually.